Elementor #3321

TEST 4, WRITING TASK 1

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.5 score.

The line graph shows trends in shop closures and openings of new shops in a particular country between the years 2011 and 2018.

In 2011 approximately 6,400 shops closed. The number of closures fluctuated over the next four years until 2015, when there was a dramatic fall in closures to roughly 700 shops. The following year the number of shops closing their doors rose sharply, reaching over 5,000. The figures remained steady for the next two years, with just over 5,000 closures in 2018.

The number of new shops opening decreased dramatically between 2011 (approximately 8,500) and 2012 (just under 4,000) but rebounded by roughly 50% by 2014. In 2015, the number of openings then fell to the 2012 level, but remained stable for the next two years. The last recorded year, 2018, saw a further fall to 3,000 new openings, the lowest point in this seven year period.

Overall, the number of shop closures has remained within the 5,000 to 7,000 range (with the exception of 2015). In contrast, new shop openings have shown a wider range of figures, but generally indicate a downward trend over the same period.

Here is the examiner’s comment:

This is a strong response which provides a clear overview in the final paragraph. Data is presented and key features are highlighted appropriately. Closures are dealt with first, and the details are clearly presented, including the [dramatic fall] key feature. Shop openings are dealt with separately, in similar detail. Key peaks and low points are appropriately flagged.

For the highest task score, there could be more detail provided during the periods of [fluctuation] between 2011 to 2014 and 2016 to 2018.

Ideas are logically organised, taking each line on the graph in turn, and paragraphing is used appropriately, apart from the single sentence first paragraph. Cohesion is well managed.

The range of vocabulary is wide, with some skilful use [rebounded by roughly | further fall | exception off. The grammar includes a variety of complex structures, with numerous long sentences containing a number of clauses. This is a good example of a higher-level response to this Task 1 question.

TEST 4, WRITING TASK 2

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.

Since ancient times people tried to treat themselves by herbals and another natural products. In these days this type of treatment is named as alternative medicine. Nowadays, more and more people with some diseases decide to use alternative medicines instead of classic medicine. In this essay I will try to discuss pros and cons.

In my opinion, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages of using traditional medicine. The first reason is that nobody knows how this treatment will affect to a person’s health. There are a lot of cases when using different herbals caused allergic reaction and some people dead. The next reason is that people who do not have any medical education try alternative medicines. They do not know what the result will be and hope that it will be positive but not always is like that.

Although there are a lot of disadvantages, advantages might make people not go to usual doctor. The first and the main pro is that using herbals does not cause environmental problems such as air pollution or gas waste. Many pharmaceutical plants use chemicals which have harmful affect on the environment. The other reason is that alternative medicines are usually much cheaper than usual treatment as you do not have to go to pharmacy and buy expensive drugs.

To sum it up, the alternative treatment will be forever because it has some advantages which many people think that they can outweigh the disadvantages but I do not think so. The conventional medicine which develops rocketly will drive out other types of treatment in the future.

Here is the examiner’s comment:

The response addresses both sides of the question and the candidate states their position in the second paragraph. The disadvantages presented include not knowing if the treatments will work, possible allergic reactions and the dangers of untrained practitioners. The advantages include remedies being kinder to the environment and usually cheaper.

Ideas are arranged coherently with a range of cohesive devices, although organisation is sometimes mechanical due to the high number of linking devices. There is evidence of referencing [chemicals which | it] with some error [that they can outweigh/outweigh].

Vocabulary is used adequately and there are some good examples used [allergic reaction | pharmaceutical plants | conventional medicine]; however, some errors remain [dead/die | rocketly/ very quickly]. Grammatical structures include some sentences with multiple clauses [which have | as you]. However, there are errors [not always is like that / it is not always] and most sentences are short and simple.