Elementor #2896

TEST 1, WRITING TASK 1

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.0 score.

The two maps lustrates the norbiton area in the present days, as well as, the planned development.

Overall, the norbiton industrial area is located at the east side of the town, with a river on the north, separating the farmland from the industrial area, which is located in the center of the map represented by a few factory buildings and roads, followed by the main road at the extreme south of the map.

The planned development shows a substantially growth and modifications of the overall infrastructure of the area between the farmland and the main road.

Firstly, the planned development of the norbiton area replaces what once were factories for housings

Moreover, the roads have been developed to acomodate all the new buildings that have been planned for the area, which are, a school and a playground to the east side of the roundabout located in the center of the map, as well as shops and a medical center around the round about

Secondly, a bridge is planned for the north of the map to cross the river and provide access to the housing that will be located in farmland.

Here is the examiner’s comment

This response covers the key changes to be made to the industrial area, although more detail could be provided, for example, housing to the west of the roundabout. There is an overview in the second paragraph and the response could be improved by adding a summary of the main changes.

Ideas are arranged coherently, with some effective use of cohesive devices [what once were], sequencing adverbs [Firstly | Secondly] and referencing [which that.

There is some less common vocabulary but spelling is often inaccurate [acomodate /accommodate | buildings/buildings] and word formation is incorrect [substantially growth/substantial growth.

To achieve a higher score, the candidate would need to reduce the number of errors in vocabulary and sentence structure.

TEST 1, WRITING TASK 2

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 score.

It is said that taking risks brings a lot of benefits. However, it also gives us some drawbacks

First of all, it is obvious that taking risks will cause a great loss if people do it and fail. In personal life, this loss might not be so harmful However, it will be really harmfull in professional life, because people take a responsibility not only for themselves but also others such as colleagee customers and their families. It will even damage the society from the economic point.

On the other hand, we can receive huge benefits by taking risks. Firstly, we can learn how to prepare for one goal through this process. In order to achieve the aim, people will make all the efforts to think about it and try to find more officient way. If they do this in the professional circumstances, they will recognise the responsibility and importance of cooperation.

Also, it will be completely meaningful even though people can’t achieve the goal after taking risks

They will learn the reason why they have failed and how to change it. The failure will enable them to improve their skills and to achieve their object next time.

As I meritioned, it is true that taking risks give us both advantages and disadvantages. However, it can be argued that the benefits outweighed the drawbacks in that we can obtain advantages not only froen the result but also from the process of taking risks.

Here is the examiner’s comment

This response discusses the advantages and the disadvantages of taking risks. It puts much greater emphasis on risks in professional life. As this response is below 250 words (it is only 242), more could be added to include risks in ‘personal life’ along with some specific examples of risks that people commonly take. There is a clear progression through the response and ideas are logically organised; disadvantages are presented first and advantages second. Cohesive devices can be quite mechanical with examples at the start of most sentences (First of all However On the other hand | Firstly] but referencing is generally appropriate [it | this loss They | The failure). The first paragraph is very short and paragraphing is not entirely logical

Vocabulary is effective with some less common items (damage the society | receive huge benefits | enable | obtain advantages from the process]. Occasional errors remain [object/objective | point/perspective]. Sentence structure is good, with frequent error-free sentences. There is a variety of complex structures, including conditionals [if], but a few errors remain.

To improve this response, the word count of 250 should be reached and concrete example(s) of risk could be provided.